U-tah....Me-tah?

One time my older sister said something about Utah to her little toddler son and he asked, "Me-tah?" Just love little kids...

Anyway, I just got back from a visit to Utah to see my sister Staci and her husband Eric bless their baby, Wesley. He has a birthday exactly 2 weeks after Crew. My older sister Erlynne came, my older brother Dallin, my older brother Clark, his wife Guinevere (who is due with a boy next month!) and their boy Benjamin. Mom and Dad were there of course, so I couldn't miss out. Crew and I had a lovely trip away and a very uneventful plane ride there and back too!! So nice to sit on a plane, nurse a baby and read a book. :)

Here are some pictures of the trip--in no particular order...


Baby Wesley and Baby Crew chatting and growling at each other.



Uncle Eric playing with nephew Benjamin.



Eric's mom Marilyn (holding Crew) and my mom holding Wesley on the 4th of July. Staci threw a fun little BBQ that night and we enjoyed the fireworks from Stadium of Fire from the non-crowded comfort of her apartment complex's parking lot. :)



This is one of my new favorite pictures of all time. I love how it looks like Wesley is about to punch a smiling Crew right in the jaw. :) Crew really started smiling more on this trip and I was so happy to capture it in a picture.



After Monday morning's fun activities (a temple open house and a birthday lunch for Erlynne) we came back to the apartment and the men-folk crashed on the floor while I did some hair. Who doesn't love to snuggle up to a sleeping baby with all their little sighs and sounds?



Sunday afternoon we were going to take a walk to a nearby park (hence Staci wearing a big red baby wrap...). Here is Erlynne, Staci, me and Guinevere before heading out.


Grandlady and Grandpa Steve with their youngest 3 grandkids Wesley, Benjamin and Crew. Tatum remains the only granddaughter yet...


Uncle Dallin holding Crew. Too cute.



New Mommy Staci with her sweet boy Wesley.


All in all, it was a very nice trip spent catching up with family. We saw a lot of family between the 4th of July BBQ, the baby blessing and brunch afterward, and a "Potluck in the Park" where a bunch of family and friends in the area met up to have a quick reunion. We took a big group photo there, but we opted to only use 2 cameras. So, I'm waiting to get the original sent to me. Thanks to Staci and Eric who hosted our weekend. I was so blessed that Porter and my friend Joy made it possible for me to go (Porter had the kids all weekend and Joy took them yesterday while he went to work.) Missed my family at home and was so happy to be back with them again!

5K, mmkay?

Whew. I popped on over to Tempe Marketplace this evening with Dixie and Jenny to do a little 5K sponsored by a running store there. I mean, what the hey, my baby is 8 weeks old today, it's 40 zillion degrees outside and the most I've recently run is 1.5 miles...no biggie, right?

I'm just going to add it to the list of things I've been doing lately that get me so frustrated. Well, I'll back up--I'm totally proud of myself because I ran it (nearly the entire way except for when I walked at the water stations) in 31:47. (I also had to wait for 1 minute at a stoplight.) I mean, a ten-minute mile is great for someone who just had a baby. But, it's hard to put into words how I've felt lately....

I started going to Porter's gym where there are trainers who devise evil workouts and don't let you wuss out. Well, they're actually really nice and encouraging, but I prefer to picture them with Satan mustaches and horns. Every day that I go and do the workout they have to modify it for me because I'm new and just getting back into shape. I mean, I can't just hop up there and do 45 pull-ups and 30 handstand push-ups like Krista, the ridiculously unreal redhead. So, I do the workouts and I PUSH myself...HARD. I am prideful and competitive. I don't like looking weak or slow or lazy. I want to be better than other people...faster, stronger, tougher. But I sat there the other day in between the dips I was doing (and I had to do them 1 at a time because I was DYING). I honestly knew that I was giving it 110%--I wasn't cheating myself--and it was still more than I could do. I nearly started crying right there on the floor of the gym because I was "broken down". It was like humbling and frustrating and embarrassing all rolled into one. All I could think was, "These people here don't know the real me. They don't know that I used to be stronger and more capable. They think I'm just a ball of cookie dough--or that I'm a quitter!!!" (Which I know they don't actually think...but it doesn't change the fact that I assume that's what they are thinking!!!)

My question is, why am I so much harder on myself this time around? After I had Tatum I proudly didn't work out or anything. I didn't care. (I also lost the baby weight without even trying--which is super annoying that it didn't go like that the next time around...) And after Dane I tried a little more, but I also just kept saying, "Hey, I just had a baby..." This time I'm so annoyed at myself for not being able to do the same things I was able to do one year ago! Why am I being so stupid?! I mean, nearly everyday my sister-in-law reminds me, "Um, you just had a baby!" But still, I want to just snap my fingers and have it all go back to the way it was before.

So, I just want to say that I am completely aware that I'm being unreasonable and ridiculous. I need to just let it go--just do the workouts, push myself, and let it happen as it happens. I'm not writing this as a way to fish for reassurance or compliments, I just feel like I have to document these feelings so that I can remember it. Maybe it can help me down the road if I have another baby, or if a friend does, or when Tatum does.

But I'll end by saying that it felt so good to come home and take a MUCH-NEEDED shower after that run. I feel cleansed and light and fantastic. Don't get me wrong, the whole run I felt like I was going in slow-motion and sweating profusely, but I feel fantastic now. I'm so happy to be doing all these things again that make me feel strong and confident and healthy. I MISSED the endorphins!

(And bravo to Dixie who was the first girl back and did it in 24 minutes--also getting stuck at the light for a minute, and to Jenny for doing it in 29 minutes with a camelback full of water on her back! It was really fun to do the run with them! Thanks ladies!)

(AND, super huge THANK YOU/YOU'RE AMAZING to Porter for taking our 3 kids, plus Jenny's 3 kids to the swim meet tonight. And he had the kids in bed and Crew fed before I got home. He's so wonderful and thoughtful and always willing to let me participate in things like this. I owe him so much for being so supportive and sweet!!)

More Photo shoot stuff

Tatum's Shoot

Photoshoot--just a few

I'm posting these in separate posts because Blogger is taking a long time to upload them. My friend Chalice came a took pictures of Crew and the kids last week. They turned out very adorably. It's getting late, so I'll have to do the rest tomorrow!

Their first Saturday alone!

Apparently having 3 kids alone and getting stuff done around the house is no big deal. Last Saturday was Porter's first all-day experience with the 3 kids while I went to work. He didn't even bat an eye. The yard work got done, the kitchen got scrubbed and I came home to a mini BBQ with bro-in-law Adam and his son Jayce...the kids were all swimming, the chicken was getting grilled and the patio looked clean!


Porter had Tatum take a picture of his "Ultimate Baby Wrap" wrap job. He cleaned the back yard/patio up with Crew snoozing away in there. So nice when they're small enough to travel around strapped to you, huh!?



Tatum helped scrub the kitchen. She also had a fun time making card castles.

All in all, they had a good time. I was jealous that they had such a marvelous, carefree day together, but it was good for them to spend time together without me too. I was a little disappointed that everything didn't completely fall apart without me there--you know, like they realized how desperately they need me and blah blah blah. :) But it's nice to know that the whole place doesn't burn down if I'm not around.

Magic of Music Theatre

Tatum has gone to a kids' music theatre workshop at MCC for the past 2 weeks. She has loved every minute of it. Well, last night was the performance. We blow-dried her hair smooth (she didn't want any sort of frilly curls or anything) and put on her makeup. She got the works--eyeliner, mascara, shadow, blush, lipstick. It sort of made me jealous to do her eyelashes since she and Dane have RIDICULOUS long, dark, thick lashes. She looked really beautiful when we were done, and I had a glimpse of a decade from now when she's 16 and getting dolled up. But let's not discuss how many times last night I was weirded out about how old my little baby is....


Her older cousin Conner was really cute and had her autograph his program--so she felt like a rock star, I'm sure.



She, of course, did the workshop with her fellow gals, Livy and Maya. They have had so much fun this summer doing swim team and workshop together. All three did such a great job in the show, sang their solo parts really well and looked BEAUTIFUL!!



I love this picture of Porter and Tatum. They're both so good-looking. I'm glad she got so much of her dad's looks in girl form--dark eyes, hair and SKIN THAT TANS! She doesn't even realize how good she's got it. :)



The 3 of us. This picture reminded me of our group pictures when it used to just be the 3 of us. Sometimes it's nice to spend time together that way again. I think it means a lot to Tatum since she really likes assurance and love and attention from us.



Jenny held Crew during the show in the back of the theatre and said he was wide awake during the whole thing. Then when we gathered up at the end he must have been too exhausted to socialize. (Doesn't Jenny look FANTASTIC, by the way. She goes to the scary gym too, and she kicks my butt at every workout!!!) Her son, Carter came to support the kids too. He did the workshop two weeks ago.



And when Crew did join us again, he got snuggled by Aunt Allyson and was very happy and alert. All the partying really did him in...Tatum too. He slept until 6:15 this morning and Tatum is still snoozing away in her room at 8:30. I have to wait to go to the gym until she rolls outta bed sometime. I was really proud of her last night and can't wait to get the DVD so we can watch it again at a better angle. And it will be fun to see her see it. My big girl is growing up too fast!